Brandon's Puppy

Thoughts

Thank you all for all your kind words and prayers while we mourn a very special part of our family. I find solace in the fact that my grandmother is no longer suffering, and as I told Brandon, is now an angel in Heaven.
The last two days have been a blur. I think I'm more overwhelmed by how quickly everything happened than by the actual loss of my grandmother. After all, we were expecting it, she lived a very full life, 94 years, and we recognize how lucky we are to have had her with us for this long.
I don't know if this happens to you, but during times of stress/crisis/sadness/life-altering experiences, random things pop into my mind. For example, I was supposed to go to my sister's house yesterday evening to help her grade papers since progress reports go out this week. I tried calling her several times throughout the day to apologize for not being able to meet up with her, even though I knew I'd be seeing her at the wake.
I also thought about how I have to organize boxes of old pictures and put them in albums. I think that was triggered by seeing a few of my childhood pictures in my grandmother's room, and later finding out my cousin found a small envelope in one of her drawers containing my birth announcement, and attached to it with a rubber band, Brandon's and Matty's birth announcements.
And of course, financial stuff is going to pop up too. I'm determined to set up an accurate budget before the end of the year so we can start putting money away next year. The arrangements for my grandmother went so smoothly because things had already been paid for. My dad, his brother, and his sisters had set things up a while ago. So this weekend I'll be researching budgeting software so we can set some financial goals becuase the Excel spreadsheet I created the last few months just ain't cutting it!. Even though both hubby and I are organ donors and want to donate our bodies to research, and don't want funeral services or to be buried or cremated, we do have children that need to be provided for. We want to know that we have something stashed away for the boys, whether we pass while they are still young or not.
So yeah, these thoughts were roaming around my brain, probably a way to distract myself from the sadness surrounding us. I'll be heading back to work tomorrow. My employer provides me with three grievance days, but I've opted not to take them all. I think it will be better for me, for all of us, to get back to our normal routines. After all, doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing, we're carrying my grandmother's memory in our hearts.